ET Go Home
I have been watching old movies as I run on the treadmill in the morning. I realized a few months ago how behind I was on catching up on some classics. Since I had my first kid in 2009, my TV time has shrunk exponentially. I had to choose between reading books and watching TV and movies, and to me, that was not a real contest. Such is a life of a parent. But being a multi-tasking mom, I figured I could combine exercise and movie-watching.
The first movie on the list on Netflix was E.T., and for the past couple of days, it’s what I’ve been watching. It wasn’t until this morning that I realized I was putting together a list (in my head) as to why the movie would not be a blockbuster today and why scenes in the film don’t fit today’s parenting.
1. Elliot and Michael went trick-or-treating alone, and they rode bikes to school. Kids are never left alone anymore. They are chauffeured around to soccer practices and football games and playdates. My son would not be able to ride his bike to the forest to help E.T. “phone home.”
2. I would not be able to leave my younger son alone to pick up the older one if he behaved as if he was intoxicated like Elliot after E.T. drank beer. Also, I would probably be arrested immediately for providing my kid with alcohol. He would be taken to a foster home and who knows what would happen to me.
3. For the movie to succeed in 2018, E.T. would have to be a heroic alien with neat tools and sound effects. Main characters would have to sport cool haircuts with straight teeth, and there would be a hot girlfriend (think Meghan Fox and Transformers) in it, because who would want to see a movie about average looking kids with a barely moving alien who has an emotional connection with one of the boys. Original E.T. would most certainly tank in the theaters.
4. Government and scientists would be a menacing bunch, with shallow theories and they would most certainly be condescending to the kids. They would pursue E.T., and they would accuse the mother of terrorism and conspiracy, and they would threaten to take her kids away.
5. The subdued message of going home and making friends regardless of belonging to different species would take a back step to shallow emotions of excitement and sexual tension and desire. Also, illegal aliens are no longer welcome, so E.T. would have to go home, and the government would build a glass wall to protect our skies.
Next, I'm watching The Godfather. I wonder what list I can make from that plot.